20 Pounds in 60 days

I'm pretty good at dissappearing when I don't want people to know I am failing.
Well, life has been nuts for a few months, and I have failed to the tune of about 15 pounds...as in, I have GAINED 15 pounds. Geeeeeeeeze. On a good note, I am still running, still going to the gym and working out, and still feeling healthy. I just need to stop eating! The goal :20 pounds in 60 days. The reward: A January trip down south with Tim.
Here goes!

I'm going to post this picture of Demi Moore on my fridge and inside my cupboard...and everywhere else I tend to go weak. I need all the motivation I can get. Ohhhh.... to look half as good at my age, as she does at her age...

If only my will power was as strong as my desire.

I find it interesting how 90% of the time, I can want something so bad that I will make promises and resolutions with myself that I am completely sure I am going to, no, NEED to, follow.I feel completely focused at that moment. Like wild horses couldn't pull me off track. But during that other 10% of the time I can manage to completley sabotage the those very things I want so very bad. Break every promise. Fail every ressolution. And within minutes, I can start the cycle again. I see a woman with the body I want. I hone back in on my desire, and the cycle starts over again.
I am envious over other people's control and/or disinterest with food. I keep waiting for the day I will wake up and suddenly not really care about the chocolate cake and french fries. Seems that I wake up feeling the opposite. I want them MORE! So for now, it would really help if my will power was as strong as my desire.

I have eaten well for two days. Very well. I ran a bit yesterday, and went out for a 8KM run this aft. It has been 9 days since the marathon so I still have some sore muscles, but I have to run. I feel like running is my only hope sometimes.

Monday Eve

Monday Eve (ie, the Sunday before the dreaded MONDAY) is once again coming to a close. And once again, I am looking forward to hopping back on the wagon tomorrow. Oh ya...it's gonna be great. Gonna do start a 9 day Isagenix cleanse again tomorrow. Gonna hit the gym every single day at lunch and lots of runnning. I'm going to get this 10 (probably more like 13 at this point) pounds off again. Oh ya...feeling VERY confident right now.
My confidence and moticvation are a reminent of eating like it's my last day on earth again today. I took the kids to a movie this afternoon. Movies with the kids are my cover for getting to eat a ton of junk. My boyfriend left today for work. He will be gone all week. So it was just me and the kids. Sad to see him go...but as I wave at him from the window while he drives away...images of candy, chocolate, and sugarplum fairies dance in my head. You mean...nobody to stop me?? Nobody to give me the look of repulsion and dissapointment while I stuff my face with everything I love most? Just the support of my loving children and fellow candy lovers. Sweet!! BRING ON BULKBARN! I probably bought about 8 bags of assorted candies and chocolates. M&M's, Bridge Mixture, Big Feet, Chocolate covered almonds, peanuts and raisins. We get to the theater and buy popcorn too of course. OH MY GOD...Carte Blanche!!! I opened each bag. I had a few of each thing. Something weird happened this time though. I didn't enjoy it as much as I imagined I would. Just an off day I guess. (My kids didnnt eat much of their candy either...which is even wierder.) So we are home now. Just about bed time. My brain is screaming "Laurie...go eat the candy. If you don't eat it now, it will still be there tomorrow. Calling you. Tempting you. Trying to sabotage you." But stomach is saying "Don't do it or we will barf" So...I'm not going to do it.
I have no problem convincing myself to excersise lately. My body is aching to get running again soon, which I will do this week. It's the eating. I gotta get a grip. A real grip. Not a temporary handle that lasts until the weekend. Or until I accidently eat a cookie which turns in to a whirlwind eating fest.
Alas...tomorrow is Monday once again. Another fresh start. Another new day.
You never know...this could be the Monday that leads me through success.

Where am I at now anyway?

OH MY GAWD! You dissappear into blogger hiding for a little while, and when you poke back in, you find your readership has TRIPLED?? Sounds huge...but in actual numbers, I went from 2 to 7...but I am thrilled!

I have no idea where I am at right now. I guess I am sorta...nowhere. The past couple months I have been doing my best to eat as healthy as possible. Marathon training is not a great time to deprive the body of calories...so 'weight loss' has been on hold for a bit. Marathon is over. Summer is coming. It is time to get back on the bandwagon. I have not run in 5 days since the marathon, and my body is truly craving a run. Come Monday, the running shoes are back on, the gym becomes my second home again, and I find my focus again. Some day, I will stop procrastinating everything I do until Monday. Maybe I will start that on Monday. :)

Oh, and in the last couple months, I have gained 10 pounds back. Sucksville. Turns out that running 50 KM's a week does not give you carte-blanche at the dinner table. Who knew?!

I'm my own guinea pig...

Trying a few things right now.
1. Eliminating HFCS. Mostly packaged products that I don't eat a ton of...but I am watching for it now, and staying away from it.
2. Not counting calories. I am paying little attention to the number, but everything that goes in is (in my opinion) HEALTHY! Tons of fruit (probably more than I should eat). Lots of veggies. Homemade soups like always. I do find I am eating a lot though. Steady grazing. Not good.
3. Eliminating cheese and nuts for a bit. I miss you Cashew!
4. I have been a semi-vegetarian for 2 years. (for me, semi=NO land meat, but I still eat seafood and fish) I am reading a book called 'Eating Animals'. I am about half way through. With this, I am seriously considering increasing the scope to cover sea animals as well. I had to idea how many things ended up dying just to catch the one thing I end up eating. I also was unaware of the factory fish farming etc. Blissfully ignorant I guess. Just like my pre-veg days...being blind to where my food came from was convenient, so I chose not to seek further info. But now I know. This is a tough one though. I eat a lot of fish and shellfish now since I stopped eating landmeat. I really enjoy it. But I'm feel pretty strongly against eating things that have died, or against eating things that caused other things to die.Hm. I'll have to get back to you on this one. :(
5. Running a lot by default right now. Marathon is in a little over 2 weeks. Covering a lot of Kilometers.
6. Increasing intensity a bit at the gym on the workouts. More often, more weight. Not a ton, but definitley more. I can feel that I am a bit stronger in areas.

ALL this being said, I continue to gain weight efficiently and rapidly. This of course causes me to feel depressed and frustrated. Making me WANT to eat and making me NOT want to excercise. I'm feeling like I can't win! To be fair, I have not given myself or my body much time to settle in to this new system. I'll give it a bit more time. Even if I am gaining weight, I can feel a little (and I mean LITTLE) comfort in knowing I am fueling my body with lots of good and healthy food.

All this being said, I continue to put on weight.

Weekends are Impossible...period.

Every Friday I wake and say to myself...THIS weekend is giong to be different. By Saturday afternoon, I'm telling myself, yet again, that I will start fresh on Monday.
Seems that this 'thing' is stronger than me. I am watching the pounds creep back on, and as badly as I don't want it to happen, I feel powerless to stop it.
I am confident that there is no human on this earth that I could not 'out eat'. I seem to be able to start grazing at the point of waking, and continue to the point of sleeping 16 hours later, with intermittent feasting in between. I think I need miraculous intervention.

My response to Jack Sh*t's request for note cards...

Thought I would post my response to Jack Sh*t's blog request, since it took me a good portion of my work day to create! :)
to see the request, go here.....http://jackfit.blogspot.com/2010/05/taking-notes.html)