Tuesday, June 8, 2010

If only my will power was as strong as my desire.

I find it interesting how 90% of the time, I can want something so bad that I will make promises and resolutions with myself that I am completely sure I am going to, no, NEED to, follow.I feel completely focused at that moment. Like wild horses couldn't pull me off track. But during that other 10% of the time I can manage to completley sabotage the those very things I want so very bad. Break every promise. Fail every ressolution. And within minutes, I can start the cycle again. I see a woman with the body I want. I hone back in on my desire, and the cycle starts over again.
I am envious over other people's control and/or disinterest with food. I keep waiting for the day I will wake up and suddenly not really care about the chocolate cake and french fries. Seems that I wake up feeling the opposite. I want them MORE! So for now, it would really help if my will power was as strong as my desire.

I have eaten well for two days. Very well. I ran a bit yesterday, and went out for a 8KM run this aft. It has been 9 days since the marathon so I still have some sore muscles, but I have to run. I feel like running is my only hope sometimes.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Monday Eve

Monday Eve (ie, the Sunday before the dreaded MONDAY) is once again coming to a close. And once again, I am looking forward to hopping back on the wagon tomorrow. Oh ya...it's gonna be great. Gonna do start a 9 day Isagenix cleanse again tomorrow. Gonna hit the gym every single day at lunch and lots of runnning. I'm going to get this 10 (probably more like 13 at this point) pounds off again. Oh ya...feeling VERY confident right now.
My confidence and moticvation are a reminent of eating like it's my last day on earth again today. I took the kids to a movie this afternoon. Movies with the kids are my cover for getting to eat a ton of junk. My boyfriend left today for work. He will be gone all week. So it was just me and the kids. Sad to see him go...but as I wave at him from the window while he drives away...images of candy, chocolate, and sugarplum fairies dance in my head. You mean...nobody to stop me?? Nobody to give me the look of repulsion and dissapointment while I stuff my face with everything I love most? Just the support of my loving children and fellow candy lovers. Sweet!! BRING ON BULKBARN! I probably bought about 8 bags of assorted candies and chocolates. M&M's, Bridge Mixture, Big Feet, Chocolate covered almonds, peanuts and raisins. We get to the theater and buy popcorn too of course. OH MY GOD...Carte Blanche!!! I opened each bag. I had a few of each thing. Something weird happened this time though. I didn't enjoy it as much as I imagined I would. Just an off day I guess. (My kids didnnt eat much of their candy either...which is even wierder.) So we are home now. Just about bed time. My brain is screaming "Laurie...go eat the candy. If you don't eat it now, it will still be there tomorrow. Calling you. Tempting you. Trying to sabotage you." But stomach is saying "Don't do it or we will barf" So...I'm not going to do it.
I have no problem convincing myself to excersise lately. My body is aching to get running again soon, which I will do this week. It's the eating. I gotta get a grip. A real grip. Not a temporary handle that lasts until the weekend. Or until I accidently eat a cookie which turns in to a whirlwind eating fest.
Alas...tomorrow is Monday once again. Another fresh start. Another new day.
You never know...this could be the Monday that leads me through success.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Where am I at now anyway?

OH MY GAWD! You dissappear into blogger hiding for a little while, and when you poke back in, you find your readership has TRIPLED?? Sounds huge...but in actual numbers, I went from 2 to 7...but I am thrilled!

I have no idea where I am at right now. I guess I am sorta...nowhere. The past couple months I have been doing my best to eat as healthy as possible. Marathon training is not a great time to deprive the body of calories...so 'weight loss' has been on hold for a bit. Marathon is over. Summer is coming. It is time to get back on the bandwagon. I have not run in 5 days since the marathon, and my body is truly craving a run. Come Monday, the running shoes are back on, the gym becomes my second home again, and I find my focus again. Some day, I will stop procrastinating everything I do until Monday. Maybe I will start that on Monday. :)

Oh, and in the last couple months, I have gained 10 pounds back. Sucksville. Turns out that running 50 KM's a week does not give you carte-blanche at the dinner table. Who knew?!