Excuse me Sir, have you seen my wagon?

I knew it was going to be a BAD weekend when I got out of the shower on Saturday morning to find my brand new RayBan sunglasses, mangled on on the floor in my room. Yup, less than 24 hours I owned them. Seems my dog was not as fond of them as I was. Took them right off my nightstand and pretty much ate them. ARG.
On Saturday morning, after mourning the loss of my new glasses, it was time to start making the cakes for the cake raffle at my son's school. I went in to it 100% sure I was going to make the cakes and stay on track. While mixing the batter, I got out my spatula to scrape the edges of the bowl. Some batter got on the back of my hand. In a swift instinctual reflex move, I licked the batter off the back of my hand...and at that moment, it was all over. I was now the star player in a game of 'Eat Eat All You Can' for the rest of the weekend. I had fallen off the wagon, it went speeding into a wall, caught fire, and burned to a crisp. After 6 days without sugar, I made up for lost time. I easily ate an entire cup or more of icing. Dorito's. Pizza. It was non-stop calorie action.
Monday. Ahhh Monday. I would never start over if it were not for Monday's. I did an Isagenix cleanse day on Monday. I did really well. Got through the whole day 100% on program. The evidence of the weekend's sin fest was gone. Phewf. Monday night, my boyfriend called from Los Angeles and told me he was flying me down there for the weekend! OH MAN! Regret is not strong enough a word! WHY oh WHY did I do so bad on the weekend?? Im going to LA! Dangit. So I did real good today again. Plan to be good tomorrow. Then I leave on Thursday morning. I don't imagine it's gonna be salads and apples all weekend in LA...so I guess I will have to start over again next week. Build a new wagon and hop right back on. Maybe this time I will install a built in seat belt and buckle up. Boooo Hooooo.....

Day 6, frustrated, but still going....

Not sure what I expected to happen after 6 days of extremely healthy whole food eating. Something miraculous to happen I guess. Maybe I hoped my body would be so shocked that the 10 pounds would fall off overnight. BUT...nadda. So, Sunday A.M. I weighed in at 123.6. By like, Monday morning I was at 122.2. And the buck stopped there. Still 122.2. I'm pretty used to jumping in to a hardcore Isagenix 9 day program when I am feeling desparate to lose weight in a jiffy, and losing 5 or 6 pounds in 6 days. So to lose less than a pound and a half in 6 days is a bit tough for me. That being said, I am also pretty happy about quite a few things. I am feeling like this eating whole and healthy thing MIGHT just be a sustainable life change. I know it has only been 6 days, but I am really enjoying the fruits and fresh veggies, salmon, and especially the beans...LOVE kidney and black beans. I feel good about what I am putting in my body.
Today I woke up and took my vitamins and greens and ionix first thing. Had an isangenix bar for breakfast and another around 11. Went to the gym, ran 5K (3 miles) and tons of weights and situps etc. GREAT day at the gym.(especially considering I had to do 180 lunges at crossfit last night...my butt muscles are SCREAMING today!) Had an isagenix protein shake after the gym with extra whey protein....delicious. Came home and had some organic brown rice gluten-free crackers and some almonds to hold me over until supper. And finally, a piece of salmon for supper, and some pineapple for dessert.

I did feel weak for a bit this evening. I had to take my son to the store to get some gifts for two bday parties he is going to this weeekend. The shelves were lined with those Cadbury minieggs, which are my #1 favorite chocoolate. Well, they are tied with peanut M&M's for #1. SO hard to see them and not buy them. But I didn't. The Dorito's were also tough. I came VERY close to grabbing a bag and convincing myself I deserve them because I had done so well all week. SOOOO CLOSE. Somehow, I didn't. I managed to get out of there with out buying any crap. Pretty amazing.

Now, to get through the weekend. I have enough pineapple here to feed an army, and I made a huge bean corn and onion salad that is sitting ready in the fridge for when I get hungry tomorow. I really really want to make it. I have to make a cake on Sunday for my son's school...that scares me. I don't know I will be able to get through that...icing is another problem spot for me. BIG problem. But I will cross that bridge when I get there. I'll try to remember to have a nice filling lunch before I start baking. Probably have better hope of making it through if I'm not starving. We shall see!

Day 4, still smiling

Feelin' pretty good about all this today!
Did my Isagenix routine this morning (vitamins etc) and had a fruit smoothy. (strawberries, water, ice, Isagenix Orange flavored 'want more energy', blueberries -in blender...YUM!!!) Had a meal bar around 10am and some grapes. Gym at noon, great workout. Homemade cabbage, tomatoe, carrot, lentil soup for lunch. Yum. Pistachios for snack. And some pineapple and another Isagenix Meal Replacement bar for supper since we were stuck at the rink for mine and my son's hockey games. Yup. Good day. :)

Die chicken...you gonna get ate. Or just cooked and looked at. What evs.

I found myself ranting a little on someones blog yesterday. I decided I wanted to post that thought/rant somewhere I could read it again and again to remind myself how passionate I felt at that moment. So, here it is...

I have SO many issues with buffet restaurants, I don't even know where to start.
The biggies:
1. On a germophobe scale of 0 to 10 (0 being able to lick a $5 bill without wincing, 10 being unable to leave your own house due to fear of germs) I'm about a 6 or 7. I carry Purel and wet wipes everywhere and use them often. If I have to do something crazy like go on a subway, I go armed with a wet wipe in each hand and use them as a barrier between my hand and the metal bars that you hold on to (cause I sure as hell ain't sittin' down!!) So eating at a buffet, watching people breathe and cough around food..watching kids jump up trying to see what there is while they grab things and throw them back, and watching new tubs of food being dumped from a pail out of the kitchen on top of the food that has been sitting there for a few hours already...ALL kind of a sore spot for me.
2. They make me sad. The buffet restaurant is 'in general' full of people that 'in general' should not be eating at a buffet restaurant. It seems to be where people go when they are nervous that they are not going to get enough food with their order at a normal restaurant. I find myself looking around and wondering if these people are happy with where they are at. Part of me wants to sit with each table of customer's and ask 'Why?' Not to mention the clarity regarding what I would look like if I ate that way every day. The proof is in the puddin'!
3. Waste. Wastey, waste, waste, waste. I hate waste. But more specifically, the waste of meat products keeps my up at night. So, it's 11:00pm, the restaurant is closing. Those chicken breasts have been sitting out under heat lamps for what, an hour? Two? Depending on the location, possibly a lot longer. For the sake of everyone who eats at a buffet restaurant, let's assume they do the right thing at this point, and throw that chicken out. A week ago, that was a living breathing functional mammal, no different other than species from your grandma's pet bird, or your daughter's puppy. Now, it's carcus lies in the trash. Um. What?

I hope somebody, somewhere in the work enjoyed his little chicken wings, otherwise, his life and death were a complete waste too. I know I know, "get a grip Laur. This is life, they are just chickens. That's what they are for..."
I wish sooo I could see it that way. Two years ago, I could see it that way. Thought nothing of it. I woke up one August day in 2008, looked at my boyfriend and said "I'm not going to eat meat for a while. I need to think about my position on killing animals and eating them. I'll get back to you on this when I have figured it out, but until then, no meat for me..." I have yet to get back to him. I still don't fully understand my position, I just know, I feel better about myself not eating meat. And most of the time, the idea of ingesting meat somewhat repulses me at this point, so it is not exactly an effort making this restriction anymore. That being said, I guess I don't have the same reverence for fish and sea creatures as I do land animals...cause I have NO problem jamming my gob with fish n' chips or shrimp and scallops. Is it because they don't have fur? Because they don't bond with humans? I really don't know. I hate birds...they scare the shit out of me. But I still feel bad that chickens die to be eaten. So, I don't know...I just don't know.

ANYWHO, back to buffets....there is an "All You Can Eat" sushi restaurant near my home. It took me a while to figure out how the place worked since it was an "ALL YOU CAN EAT" but there was no "BUFFET" HUH?. But once I figured it out I was quite pleased. It's "All you can eat"...but if you DON'T eat it, you are going to have to pay for it sucka! LOVE IT! No big tubs of food. No trough. No heat lamps. No fat guys bulging gut rubbing up against the counter and plunging in to the rice when he reaches for his 7th egg roll. Nope. You just keep ordering it and they keep making it fresh and bringing it to you. As your stomach gets full, you start to be much more careful about what, and how much more you order. I was ordering shrimp tempura one at a time near the end. I think this is great. I can't stand seeing the people (usually people who SHOULD NOT be eating like that) lined up at the buffet filling their plates with mounds of food. They seem to think if they don't get it all now, there will not be any more in 10 minutes? It also frustrates me to think about the amount of food that ends up in the trash every single night, from every single buffet restaurant, from every single city around the world. Yikes.

I would love it if all buffets adopted this format. Only order what you want, and what you can eat. I don't think even one chicken should lose a wing so that some glutton can fill his plate with 47 wings, only to realize that after his 4th plate full of mashed potatoes and pork chops, he just can't eat those last 8 chicken wings. Seriously...think about that for a second...an animal is dead. You put it on your plate. You decide you don't want it. It goes in the trash??? There is something very very wrong and disturbing about that.

There is only one thing worse than being stuck in a tax seminar all afternoon...

And that's being stuck in a tax seminar with FREE COOKIES AND CHEESE!! Have I mentioned my two favorite foods in the whole world? Well, they are COOKIES and CHEESE! Atleast they were today. It is always the food that is available but I can't have that seems to feel like it's my favorite. Add 'free' and 'endless' to the mix and I am screwed. But seriously, they are top 10 for sure. Especially cheese. I've never met a brie I didn't like.
The good news is, Day 3 is coming to a close and I managed to stay completely on track again today. 3 days in a row. sweeeeeet.
(Staying off cheese is only until I get the 10 pounds off...after that, I am building a cheese fort an eating my way out of it.)

Help, is this product healthy??

I usually make my own chili and spag sauces from scratch, but occasionally, I want to make something super quick. I have a whole pantry full of this Loblaws Blue Menu Spagetti sauce. I THINK it is ok, but I want to be sure. My biggest concern is 'caramel color'...wtf? If you are crusing by and see this post, AND know a thing or two about mysterious ingredients, please have a look and leave me your feedback! Would someone eating whole, natural foods be willing to eat this prepared/packaged food?


http://www.presidentschoice.ca/LCLOnline/products.jsp?brandId=2&type=details&tags=100094&next=37&productId=17092

Tomatoes (contain tomato juice, calcium chloride, citric acid), tomato paste, water, textured vegetable protein [soy protein concentrate, caramel colour, ferrous sulphate (iron), niacinamide, zinc oxide, calcium pantothenate, thiamine, mononitrate (vitamin B1), pyridoxine hydrochloride (vitamin B6), riboflavin (vitamin B2), folic acid, cyanocobalamin (vitamin B12)], carrots, onions, celery, olive oil, concentrated lemon juice, dehydrated garlic and parsley, sea salt, spices.

Down with Day 2!

After strutting around my house this evening feeling all pompous that I made it through 'Day 2', I realized I really have not defined what this is 'Day 2' of.
I have no hope of success if I can't even define the goal, do I?
Ok..well, at risk of opening the door to failure a little too wide, here goes.

GOAL: To lose over 10 pounds (sounds sooo simple...blarg) Quit compulsive/binge eating. Break the sugar addiction. Be healthier.

I plan to do this by following the Isagenix play, and adhering to some smaller goals that are important to me, but so easily ignored and tossed aside when cravings, laziness and hunger set in.
-eat primarily whole and natural food (atleast 70%) including as much raw food as possible. Vegetables, legumes, nuts, seeds, beans, fruit.
-little to no dairy or animal fat (just some skim milk in my morning tea)
-lots of isagenix protein shakes, especially after workouts
-NO sugar, especially HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP
-No bad fats
-No prepackaged or factory foods
-No white flour or any of that nutrient void crap

I may have bitten off more than I can chew here (no pun intended!). But these are all things that are truly important to me. I want to be the person that has complete control over my health abd what I put in my mouth.

So, that being said, day 2 was a delicious breeze.
Breakfast: Isagenix chocolate shake with extra protein (Isapro) and hemp seed (IsaCrunch)
Snack: Almonds and Pistachio's
Lunch: homemade bean/lentil/vegetable soup
Snack: 1 orange, 1/4 Isagenix protein bar
Dinner: homemade vegetarian Chili, homemade fruit blender drink (frozen strawberries, blueberries, 1/4 of an orange, IsaFruits, Orange flavored 'want more energy' powder, ice, water - the only thing missing was vodka. It was SO good, I ended up having to make a second batch for my kids. I love it when they think they are getting a dessert...little did they know, this was SUPER good for them!! :)

I went to the gym like a good girl. 25 minutes on the bike cause my legs are still too sore from yesterday to run at this point. Lots of weight machines and situps and push ups. The only frustration I felt today was in the kitchen at work, stuck in the middle of a converstaion about homemade cookies. A HUGE weakness for me. It made we want to go home and make cookies pretty bad. The cravings/urge only lasted a few moments and I didnt end up eating anything I regretted...so all in all, a pretty good day.

About 200 more days like that and I should have this problem licked. ;)

Day 1....here we go again.

So, as expected and planned, yesterday was pretty bad. I ate more of those cookies than I can count amongst a constant grazing that lasted most of the day. Then dinner at the Keg where I ate crab and baked potato smothered in sour cream, and a huge dessert of ice cream, whip cream and brownie. And half a bottle of white wine. After, I looked around and saw that other people seemed to be getting served bread and butter....I wanted some! After all that, I found myself irritated that other people got bread and I didn't.
So, today started off with a 25 Kilometer run and continued with clean healthy eating. Isagenix shakes and vitamins, fruit...all the good things. I have just gone 24 hours without any sugar. So far, so good. I need to break the overeating and the sugar addiction...and I need this to be the time I say that and actually follow through and succeed. I just wish I knew how to make that happen.
For accountability sake...I'm breaking through the starting gate at 123.6.
113 is the goal. Off we go!

Today is already bad, going to get way worse. But tomorrow, I change my life!! blarg....

Tomorrow is once again, the big day. Change these eating habits once and for all. I don't even believe myself when I say that anymore. But I know I have to.

But first, there is today. I woke up this morning thinking about dinner at the Keg tonight. I wish I could sleep the day away so I wouldn't have to wait! Tim left pretty early, so I headed to the kitchen to find something delicious. I pulled several things out but settled on a quasadilla. Yum. (yes, for breakfast!) I rooted around for something more...have to finish that bag of Doritos's before tomorrow. And those two boxes of After Eight's from Christmas. (I can't bear to to throw stuff like that out.)So much to eat before tomorow, so little time. It's starting to stress me out.
Tim bought us a new freezer today. Big stand up freezer to replace the large chest freezer. Tired of finding freezer burnt treasures at the bottom of the chest every few months, only to reminisce about how much it cost as we throw it away. For this reason, I had to clean the chest freezer out, only to find a tub of lonely frozen cookie dough that the lid had broke on. Well, that's no good. Gonna end up being bad. I better make those cookies. And so here I am, sitting in the kitchen playing online poker and blogging while the 7th tray of cookies bakes in the oven.
I've eaten enough cookies at this point where I kinda don't feel good, and don't really want anymore. That doesn't mean I wont have anymore, just that I dont currently want any. They have to be gone before tomorrow, so I have given a plate of them to my neighbor. There are still several dozen. I want to put them in my kids lunches, but if they are in the house there is a good change they will be my trigger to fail tomorrow. Hm, what to do?

I consider yesterday a success...

So, after inhaling roughly 5000 calories on Thursday, I have been in a state of 'damage control' ever since. I decided yesterday morning that I was not going to have a normal eating day. I decide that a lot though, and often don't make it. I ended up doing pretty well. I drank my tea in the morning. Went for a 6 kilometer run at lunch time. Had an Isagenix meal replacement bar around 2:00 PM, went to the gym and walked uphill on a steep incline for half hour, and then did a 27minute crossfit class. I even went to the mall after the gym and did not cave in front of the Laura Secord or New York Fries, or even Kernels popcorn! I even had coupons for the popcorn! I DID secretly eat about 6 Dorito's at 10:00 PM when I went down to the kitchen to let the dog out. I wish I hadn't, but I did. I still consider the day a success. I'm not really sure what today will bring. I would like to say I am going to exercise that level of control again, but boy oh boy, weekends are SO hard. My boyfriend is leaving on Sunday morning for about 3 weeks for work. We are going out for dinner on Saturday night. (I have already checked out the menu and know that I am either going to have the 2 lobster tail dinner, or the King Crab legs!!) We are going with friends, so for sure I will drink a bottle of white wine, and have dessert. Again, I have planned to fail as a way to help me cope with the feeling if guilt and disappointment. On Sunday though...oh ya, Sunday is the day. I need 10 pounds off before the marathon, and I so badly want to get back on track and strictly follow the Isagenix health and weight loss program that I follow. I know I feel better when I am on it. I just need to break all the addictions..AGAIN! Train my body and mind to crave the healthy stuff...AGAIN! I need to stop falling off the wagon. Would be a lot easier if I could be hypnotized to believe I don't enjoy fatty and sugary foods. I DID try that once by the way...BUT, it didn't work. I didn't go under.
Yesterday I was reading a woman's blog who had lap band (?) surgery. She said that once she had the band, it seemed that food just stopped controlling her. She stopped craving and over eating. Probably safe to assume they only do that surgery for people in the 'obese' range? I sure would love to stop craving though. Overeating comes with craving...so for that to stop as well would be a blessing. BUT, I'm pretty sure I can't walk in to a clinic at 122 pounds and tell them I think I need lap band surgery. Pretty sure my next blog would be from my private room in the crazy bin if I did that. Maybe they have a 'Do It Yourself' lap band surgery kit at the Wal-mart!!?? Worth a look! lol

Great...another addiction in the works. Just what I need....

I tend to cringe a wee bit when people use my name and the word 'obsessive' in the same sentence. I think the word has a bit of a bad wrap I guess. Being obsessive CAN afterall, be a really good thing. Like, helping me run marathons. I would never have been able to complete 4 marathons if I were not a tiny bit obsessive about running. I woke up one day, decided I was going to try running and see how it felt. I ran 4 kilometers my first day. A few months later, I ran my first marathon. Thanks to being a bit obsessive! And being obsessive about going to the gym is the ONLY thing that gets me there.
If I decide I am going to do something, I tend to go hard. People have refered to as having 'an addictive personality' because I become addicted to things pretty easy. This I admit to be true. As it relates to food, it is all TOO true.
The past couple years I have been a slave to the 'Facebook'. I am proud to say, i quit the 'Facebook' last week. Just went off it completely. Deactivated my account. Boy does it feel good!!! But leaves me with some free time in front of my computer, and a bunch of thoughts that I can no longer share.
So, yesterday, I decide to start a blog so I can get some of these thoughts off my chest. To get some 'free' therapy. Well, now....I feel the need to 'blog' my every thought! I can't stop. I am still learning and poking around, reading other people's blogs...just trying to figure this world out. But as far as I can tell, nobody is even reading mine! Yet, here I am...typing away and feeling pretty good about doing it. Maybe writing things down is what I needed to be doing all along? Or, maybe...this is my obsession of the week, and next week I will forget about the little blogging thrill I am having this week. We shall see...

Article: In Obesity Epidemic, What’s One Cookie?

You could feed a small village..or me.

I planned to eat bad last night. (That is how I prevent the extreme bouts of guilt...by 'planning'. Somehow I think that planning it rather then sucoming to it, makes me feel less awful??) St. Patricks day, so we went to a pub. I had fish and chips and 4 Smirnoff Ice. Honestly, it was SOOO good! I never liked fish my entire life. Hated it in fact. Now, in my 34th year, I have taken a liking to it, and I'm making up for lost time. Any who, we left the pub around 10:00pm since we both had to work this morning. On the way home, we stopped for gas. As per the norm, I say something to my boyfriend like "Ok, you pump the gas, I am going in to find something with a ridiculous amount of sugar in it...and something salty and crunchy." This is usually where my boyfriend says "No you aren't. Get back in the car." BUT, this time he says "Oh me too...wait for me!" OH NO!! I can usually totally count on him having will power and back bone when I don't....but now he's enabling!! At that moment, I felt equally as pleased and excited, as I was nervous. We went in to the gas station and headed right for the icecream. We each got a tub of Hagendaz...Caramel explosion for him, Cookie Dough for me. I also grabbed a bag of Zesty Cheese Dorito's on the way to the cash. I have been craving them lately for some reason. Maybe if I just eat them, I will stop craving them?? (Nope, not true) We went home, I had a few chips just to remind myself what they taste like, then folded the bag up and put it away. We crawled in to bed, put on a movie, and started shovelling. It was SOOO good. Half way through the tub, I started feeling pretty sick. Like, my body and stomach were begging me to stop. BUT, I couldn't. I kept eating until the tub was empty. And, as per usual..This is where the "OH MY GAWD THIS IS SO GOOD AND I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW" feeling abruptly stops, and the "OH MY GAWD YOU STUPID FAT WEAK PIG" feeling starts. I started doing the math of how many calories I had eaten that day. Let me share: (approximations)
Morning: Two small buns toasted with butter and peanut butter (A LOT of pb) = 400
A couple chocolates from a box of chocolates I got at Christmas. I decided
I needed to bring them to work and let the vultures have them, but I
couldn't do it unless I ate a few of the ones I thought I liked first = 200
Lunch: Veg spagetti with parmesan cheese = 300
Entire bag of Smores Goldfish (looked this one up online...yikes)
6 servings in a bag * 130 calories per serving = 780
Fish N' Chips = 1600
4 Smirnoff Ice = 700
A few Dorito's = 150
Tub of Hagendaz = 700
For a whopping total of 4830 calories.

Wow. Kinda wish I hadn't added that up now. Now, I DID go for a 35 minute run yesterday, bruning approx 400 calories. lol What a joke...I would have to run for more than 6 hours to burn that many calories! The marathon would not burn those off.
Why do I do this to myself? Almost 5000 calories...to put that in perspective for you, there was a very overweight woman on Dr. Oz the other day. Dr. Oz was going to help her change her life around and lose the weight. I was on the treadmill reading the captions, so I had a bit of trouble following the show, but this woman was VERY overweight. They calculated what she was eating in a day, and came up with an average of 4200 calories a day. Hm...I win! ?

So, today I am choosing not to eat, well, not like that anyway. I'm drinking my tea that has a bit of 1% milk in it. I will maybe have an Isagenix meal replacement bar this afternoon since I will be going for a run at lunch, and going to crosssfit at the gym tonight. But if I can get through the day without it, I will. Right now it is only 9am, so I have that dilusion that this will not be a problem. Maybe I will check back in later when I feel like I could eat my hat.

I have never craved a salad!

Today, I brought enough food to work for lunch for about 4 people. I ate it all. I just finished a whole bag of 'Smore's Goldfish' for dessert. YUMMY, especially the marshallows. Tonight, I am going out for St. Patrick's day. I have been thinking about what I am going to order for 3 days now. I know it is for sure going to be deep fried. Some friends and my boyfriend will be there, so I can't go tooo overboard. I don't want to see the look of disappointment from the BF. (He has never ACTUALLY given me that look...but that doesn't stop me from thinking I see it. He doesn't care what I eat, he only cares when what I eat makes me depressed.) I've been grazing most of the day...I need to stop now though. I am going to take my dog for a run after work. I can't run with a gut full of junk food. Plus, I want to be hungry when I go out tonight. GAWDDDD!!!! I hope nobody orders a salad. If somebody orders a salad, I feel like I have to do the same. And I have NEVER craved a salad!