How many times can you lose the same 10 pounds before you get some sort of badge or award??
Thursday, March 18, 2010
You could feed a small village..or me.
I planned to eat bad last night. (That is how I prevent the extreme bouts of guilt...by 'planning'. Somehow I think that planning it rather then sucoming to it, makes me feel less awful??) St. Patricks day, so we went to a pub. I had fish and chips and 4 Smirnoff Ice. Honestly, it was SOOO good! I never liked fish my entire life. Hated it in fact. Now, in my 34th year, I have taken a liking to it, and I'm making up for lost time. Any who, we left the pub around 10:00pm since we both had to work this morning. On the way home, we stopped for gas. As per the norm, I say something to my boyfriend like "Ok, you pump the gas, I am going in to find something with a ridiculous amount of sugar in it...and something salty and crunchy." This is usually where my boyfriend says "No you aren't. Get back in the car." BUT, this time he says "Oh me too...wait for me!" OH NO!! I can usually totally count on him having will power and back bone when I don't....but now he's enabling!! At that moment, I felt equally as pleased and excited, as I was nervous. We went in to the gas station and headed right for the icecream. We each got a tub of Hagendaz...Caramel explosion for him, Cookie Dough for me. I also grabbed a bag of Zesty Cheese Dorito's on the way to the cash. I have been craving them lately for some reason. Maybe if I just eat them, I will stop craving them?? (Nope, not true) We went home, I had a few chips just to remind myself what they taste like, then folded the bag up and put it away. We crawled in to bed, put on a movie, and started shovelling. It was SOOO good. Half way through the tub, I started feeling pretty sick. Like, my body and stomach were begging me to stop. BUT, I couldn't. I kept eating until the tub was empty. And, as per usual..This is where the "OH MY GAWD THIS IS SO GOOD AND I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW" feeling abruptly stops, and the "OH MY GAWD YOU STUPID FAT WEAK PIG" feeling starts. I started doing the math of how many calories I had eaten that day. Let me share: (approximations) Morning: Two small buns toasted with butter and peanut butter (A LOT of pb) = 400 A couple chocolates from a box of chocolates I got at Christmas. I decided I needed to bring them to work and let the vultures have them, but I couldn't do it unless I ate a few of the ones I thought I liked first = 200 Lunch: Veg spagetti with parmesan cheese = 300 Entire bag of Smores Goldfish (looked this one up online...yikes) 6 servings in a bag * 130 calories per serving = 780 Fish N' Chips = 1600 4 Smirnoff Ice = 700 A few Dorito's = 150 Tub of Hagendaz = 700 For a whopping total of 4830 calories.
Wow. Kinda wish I hadn't added that up now. Now, I DID go for a 35 minute run yesterday, bruning approx 400 calories. lol What a joke...I would have to run for more than 6 hours to burn that many calories! The marathon would not burn those off. Why do I do this to myself? Almost 5000 calories...to put that in perspective for you, there was a very overweight woman on Dr. Oz the other day. Dr. Oz was going to help her change her life around and lose the weight. I was on the treadmill reading the captions, so I had a bit of trouble following the show, but this woman was VERY overweight. They calculated what she was eating in a day, and came up with an average of 4200 calories a day. Hm...I win! ?
So, today I am choosing not to eat, well, not like that anyway. I'm drinking my tea that has a bit of 1% milk in it. I will maybe have an Isagenix meal replacement bar this afternoon since I will be going for a run at lunch, and going to crosssfit at the gym tonight. But if I can get through the day without it, I will. Right now it is only 9am, so I have that dilusion that this will not be a problem. Maybe I will check back in later when I feel like I could eat my hat.
Therapy is expensive, so I'll blog instead! I never stop thinking about food. I never stop thinking about excercise. I'm either starving or stuffed. Either running 25 kilometers just becuase I can, or thinking of excuses for why I really shouldn't go to the gym today. Every day is a rollercoaster. I want off this ride!