20 Pounds in 60 days

I'm pretty good at dissappearing when I don't want people to know I am failing.
Well, life has been nuts for a few months, and I have failed to the tune of about 15 pounds...as in, I have GAINED 15 pounds. Geeeeeeeeze. On a good note, I am still running, still going to the gym and working out, and still feeling healthy. I just need to stop eating! The goal :20 pounds in 60 days. The reward: A January trip down south with Tim.
Here goes!

I'm going to post this picture of Demi Moore on my fridge and inside my cupboard...and everywhere else I tend to go weak. I need all the motivation I can get. Ohhhh.... to look half as good at my age, as she does at her age...

If only my will power was as strong as my desire.

I find it interesting how 90% of the time, I can want something so bad that I will make promises and resolutions with myself that I am completely sure I am going to, no, NEED to, follow.I feel completely focused at that moment. Like wild horses couldn't pull me off track. But during that other 10% of the time I can manage to completley sabotage the those very things I want so very bad. Break every promise. Fail every ressolution. And within minutes, I can start the cycle again. I see a woman with the body I want. I hone back in on my desire, and the cycle starts over again.
I am envious over other people's control and/or disinterest with food. I keep waiting for the day I will wake up and suddenly not really care about the chocolate cake and french fries. Seems that I wake up feeling the opposite. I want them MORE! So for now, it would really help if my will power was as strong as my desire.

I have eaten well for two days. Very well. I ran a bit yesterday, and went out for a 8KM run this aft. It has been 9 days since the marathon so I still have some sore muscles, but I have to run. I feel like running is my only hope sometimes.

Monday Eve

Monday Eve (ie, the Sunday before the dreaded MONDAY) is once again coming to a close. And once again, I am looking forward to hopping back on the wagon tomorrow. Oh ya...it's gonna be great. Gonna do start a 9 day Isagenix cleanse again tomorrow. Gonna hit the gym every single day at lunch and lots of runnning. I'm going to get this 10 (probably more like 13 at this point) pounds off again. Oh ya...feeling VERY confident right now.
My confidence and moticvation are a reminent of eating like it's my last day on earth again today. I took the kids to a movie this afternoon. Movies with the kids are my cover for getting to eat a ton of junk. My boyfriend left today for work. He will be gone all week. So it was just me and the kids. Sad to see him go...but as I wave at him from the window while he drives away...images of candy, chocolate, and sugarplum fairies dance in my head. You mean...nobody to stop me?? Nobody to give me the look of repulsion and dissapointment while I stuff my face with everything I love most? Just the support of my loving children and fellow candy lovers. Sweet!! BRING ON BULKBARN! I probably bought about 8 bags of assorted candies and chocolates. M&M's, Bridge Mixture, Big Feet, Chocolate covered almonds, peanuts and raisins. We get to the theater and buy popcorn too of course. OH MY GOD...Carte Blanche!!! I opened each bag. I had a few of each thing. Something weird happened this time though. I didn't enjoy it as much as I imagined I would. Just an off day I guess. (My kids didnnt eat much of their candy either...which is even wierder.) So we are home now. Just about bed time. My brain is screaming "Laurie...go eat the candy. If you don't eat it now, it will still be there tomorrow. Calling you. Tempting you. Trying to sabotage you." But stomach is saying "Don't do it or we will barf" So...I'm not going to do it.
I have no problem convincing myself to excersise lately. My body is aching to get running again soon, which I will do this week. It's the eating. I gotta get a grip. A real grip. Not a temporary handle that lasts until the weekend. Or until I accidently eat a cookie which turns in to a whirlwind eating fest.
Alas...tomorrow is Monday once again. Another fresh start. Another new day.
You never know...this could be the Monday that leads me through success.

Where am I at now anyway?

OH MY GAWD! You dissappear into blogger hiding for a little while, and when you poke back in, you find your readership has TRIPLED?? Sounds huge...but in actual numbers, I went from 2 to 7...but I am thrilled!

I have no idea where I am at right now. I guess I am sorta...nowhere. The past couple months I have been doing my best to eat as healthy as possible. Marathon training is not a great time to deprive the body of calories...so 'weight loss' has been on hold for a bit. Marathon is over. Summer is coming. It is time to get back on the bandwagon. I have not run in 5 days since the marathon, and my body is truly craving a run. Come Monday, the running shoes are back on, the gym becomes my second home again, and I find my focus again. Some day, I will stop procrastinating everything I do until Monday. Maybe I will start that on Monday. :)

Oh, and in the last couple months, I have gained 10 pounds back. Sucksville. Turns out that running 50 KM's a week does not give you carte-blanche at the dinner table. Who knew?!

I'm my own guinea pig...

Trying a few things right now.
1. Eliminating HFCS. Mostly packaged products that I don't eat a ton of...but I am watching for it now, and staying away from it.
2. Not counting calories. I am paying little attention to the number, but everything that goes in is (in my opinion) HEALTHY! Tons of fruit (probably more than I should eat). Lots of veggies. Homemade soups like always. I do find I am eating a lot though. Steady grazing. Not good.
3. Eliminating cheese and nuts for a bit. I miss you Cashew!
4. I have been a semi-vegetarian for 2 years. (for me, semi=NO land meat, but I still eat seafood and fish) I am reading a book called 'Eating Animals'. I am about half way through. With this, I am seriously considering increasing the scope to cover sea animals as well. I had to idea how many things ended up dying just to catch the one thing I end up eating. I also was unaware of the factory fish farming etc. Blissfully ignorant I guess. Just like my pre-veg days...being blind to where my food came from was convenient, so I chose not to seek further info. But now I know. This is a tough one though. I eat a lot of fish and shellfish now since I stopped eating landmeat. I really enjoy it. But I'm feel pretty strongly against eating things that have died, or against eating things that caused other things to die.Hm. I'll have to get back to you on this one. :(
5. Running a lot by default right now. Marathon is in a little over 2 weeks. Covering a lot of Kilometers.
6. Increasing intensity a bit at the gym on the workouts. More often, more weight. Not a ton, but definitley more. I can feel that I am a bit stronger in areas.

ALL this being said, I continue to gain weight efficiently and rapidly. This of course causes me to feel depressed and frustrated. Making me WANT to eat and making me NOT want to excercise. I'm feeling like I can't win! To be fair, I have not given myself or my body much time to settle in to this new system. I'll give it a bit more time. Even if I am gaining weight, I can feel a little (and I mean LITTLE) comfort in knowing I am fueling my body with lots of good and healthy food.

All this being said, I continue to put on weight.

Weekends are Impossible...period.

Every Friday I wake and say to myself...THIS weekend is giong to be different. By Saturday afternoon, I'm telling myself, yet again, that I will start fresh on Monday.
Seems that this 'thing' is stronger than me. I am watching the pounds creep back on, and as badly as I don't want it to happen, I feel powerless to stop it.
I am confident that there is no human on this earth that I could not 'out eat'. I seem to be able to start grazing at the point of waking, and continue to the point of sleeping 16 hours later, with intermittent feasting in between. I think I need miraculous intervention.

My response to Jack Sh*t's request for note cards...

Thought I would post my response to Jack Sh*t's blog request, since it took me a good portion of my work day to create! :)
to see the request, go here.....http://jackfit.blogspot.com/2010/05/taking-notes.html)

I'm Even Annoying Myself With This Obsession

Where the hell have I been? Well, in short...I fell off the wagon again. And fell quite hard. Again. I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and continued on my merry way for a short while, only to fall off again. Food, health, weight, calories...they consume me. Honestly, it has come to a point where I even annoy myself. I want to just relax SO bad. I went to see my therapist. We talked a lot about this wee problem. In short, I'm nuts. Well, she was way too nice to say that, but I could tell that was what she was REALLY thinking. She said that if I could just relax about food, stop trying to 'diet' and deprive myself, my body and I would settle in to a happy place where we could simply be content and not constantly obsessing about what I am and am not eating, what I can and can not eat, when I can have what, who else is eating what...etc. I believe her. I believe that this issue is for sure about something else other than food. I try SO hard to figure out what that is. Every time I find myself craving something, or standing in front of the cupboard pouring corn syrup down my throat and hoping I don't get caught...I try and figure out what else is going on. But I can't figure it out. I have two GREAT super amazing sons that still love their Mom, I have a boyfriend that is so good to me and loves me very much, I am in good health (as in, I am not in poor health I don't think?), I have a job, I have an awesome dog, I have a good car and a small house. For sure, I have some crazy 'issues' too....but from the outside looking in...things don't look so bad? I have other issues for sure. But I can't connect them to the eating. I don't feel like I am connecting those dots when I am having food issues. I truly feel like my food issues are about the food! About the craving! About the desire to lose weight. About the desire to be fit and heathly. It just happens that I am a compulsive, all or nothning type personality. So everything I do, I do big or go home. I do want to just relax. I really do. But that is even scarier than the thought of going on like this. Just relax? If I do that, GAWD only knows what I will end up stuffing in my mouth, and how much I will weigh after a couple months. No way. Can't do it. Not gonna do it. But it's food for thought...or in my world, thought for food.

I noticed that while things were real bad...I didn't want to even see or think about my blog. I didn't want to end up on that dashboard page and see all the people I follow and their success. I didn't want to tell everyone (or all 3 people) that I failed again. I just wanted to, well, disappear I guess. I probably gained about 6 pounds over the past couple weeks (above and beyond my starting point!). Oh, and yes, I earned it. Making batches of toffee and not even sharing it with my family. Homemade ice cream. Pizza. DQ Blizzards (that's what started this whirlwind of eating actually) chip stand fries, Cadbury Minieggs...and the list goes on and on.

Today is a funny day. Yesterday was yet another 'start again' Monday. Today, I went to get on my scale. It was broken. Said I weighed 118, then 113, then 108, then 108 again. For a second I thought..wow, maybe I am one of those people who just THINKS I have an extra 15 pounds, but really I am super skinny! OMG, that would be AWESOME! Then I stepped of the scale and stood in front of the mirror. Nope. No such luck. Unless of course someone replaced my bathroom mirror with one of those circus mirrors...there is no way I am 108 pounds. Maybe if I chopped a leg off!

So I have no real idea how bad things are. I'm going to guestimate based on the past weighins...127-129. I'll confirm tomorrow if I get my scale fixed, or get a new one tonight. I just know that I deserve every ounce of extra weight I have gained in the past couple weeks. I know that it totally sucks to be starting over AGAIN from an even worse starting point then last time. And I know I need to get control of this obsession. I just don't know how.

That being said, I am now shopping for a new body fat/weight scale...anyone have the most super duper one ever that I should know about??

Tuesday - Day...8ish?

Tuesday morning weigh in: 122.6 (yippe, I lost 1.2 pounds in over a week)
Calories In: I was so hungry by 8:00PM I was like a hoover. Did so well all day (and by doing well, I mean I was still STARVING) then get home at around 8:00 and started eating things I would normally not even eat. Chocolate mini easter eggs..I hate cheap plain chocolate...but I ate em. Pita bread loaded with nutella. (omg, it was so good), some peanuts, some mini M&M's (only about a TBSP cause that was all that was left). It was bad. But I counted it all and still ended the day around 1900 and change. Doesnt SOUND like the worst day ever, does it?? (Well, here's a sneak preview of tomorrow's post. I got on the scale this morning (wed morn) and weigh 124.6. So not only have I gained back the 1.2 from above...but added on to that by .8 pounds. I don't even know what to say. It just sucks so bad.)
Excercise: still a bit sore from the 30K, so I walked uphill on a 15% incline for 32 minutes. Machine said I burned 360 calories. So, 300 maybe. Then did about 10 minutes of arms and shoulders. ALMOST did a 5th chinup today but couldn't quite squeeze it in. Soon though.

I was walking out of Costco last night. THey make it so you have no choice but to walk past the food court to see everyone thouroughly enjoying their poutines and icecream cones. In order to avoid feeling sad about not being able to eat the food, I tend to take a good look at the people sitting and eating. I feel sad and frustrated when I see really thin people eating really shitty fatty bad food. I want to be able to eat it too and also be as thin as them. But then I see the other 95% of the customers. All overweight. Many of the very very overweight. When I notice that, I feel strong. I feel proud of myself for fighting the cravings and temptations often enough to avoid getting that way. As hard as it is and as much work as it is, I know the sadness and depression I feel now is NOTHING compared to how I would feel if I was carrying an extra 100 pounds around instead of this 10 or 20. I have been 50 pounds too heavy at the very very most, and that was after giving birth. So I really have no idea how hard it is to be 100 pounds overweight. I hope I never do.

It's hard to do math when you're this hungry...

I feel a little like I am running up the down escalator right now. I spend the days hungry for the most part. I spend a lot of time at the gym and running. Yet, my efforts are futile.
Here is a calculation I found for BMR etc, that is making this feel even more hopeless!

BMR Calculation for women:
655 + (4.3 x weight in pounds) + (4.7 x height in inches) - (4.7 x age in years)
= 655+(4.3*123)+(4.7*64)-(4.7*34)
= 1325
For lightly active, add 30% = 1325*1.3 = 1722

So 1722 is how many calories I can have on a daily basis to MAINTAIN my weight.

If I want to lose 1 pound per week, I have to subtract from that. So 3600/7= 514calories per day.

1722-514= 1208

1208 Calories per day. Let me tell you...that is NOT a lot of food. No matter how creative and low calorie and healthy you are, that is simply not a lot of food.

This sucks.

Just so I can wallow in self pitty just a little longer...here are some foods that are 1200 calories:


Add a side of soup and an extra sauce to this meal for 1160 Calories.



Oh Tostito's, how I love you so. But you always love what you can't have. 48 restaurant style chips and half a jar of salsa...1145 calories.


It only takes 2 PB&J sandwiches to reach 1280 calories!


Dairy Queen Blizzard. My favorite food in the world by a landslide. If I ever have one again, it would have to be the only thing I eat in the entire day. :( I love you Cookie Dough Blizzard. I will miss you. :( One large cookie dough Blizzard...1300 Calories.

Note to self about losing this 10 pounds? Good luck with that...

The Monday morning wtf?

Monday morning weigh in.......drum roll please....123.0!
Huh? 123? Seriously? Body...if i may speak to you for a moment. Need I remind you that we ran for over 3 hours and 30 kilometers yesterday? And we ate clean, healthy and low cal for the rest of the day. And 123 is what you give me? This is starting to feel a bit like a battle I can't win!!!
Despite feeling achy and sore, and despite my legs and hips begging me not to, I still went to the gym last night. I walked uphill on steep incline (10 on the treadmill) as fast as I could without falling off, for 32 minutes. Then did a 1 hour MMT (metabolic military training) class. Keeps your heart rate up while you circle around the room doing crazy exercises for short intervals. First time I did this class. It was tough, but I will be going back for sure.
Estimated Calorie burn: 450
Calories In today: 1213 - Isagenix bar for breakfast, salad for lunch, 1/2 Isagenix shake for supper and air popped popcorn

I am very frustrated right now. I am working like crazy, eating very light and very little, and seeing almost no result on the scale. This is making it real hard to keep going....

Sunday Funday

Sunday morning weigh in: I was too scared to get on the scale after last nights mishap.
Sunday excercise: 30.5 Kilometer run. Took 3 hours and 20 minutes. Me and my beagle. It was a great day in Ottawa for a ridiculous run. I am hoping it makes weigh in tomorrow and acceptable number!
Estimated calorie burn:1500
Calories In: just under 1200
There was a lot of laying around for the rest of the day! :)

Saturday Status

Saturday Morning Weigh in: 121.0
Saurday's excercise: zilch. none. notta. none. nothing.
Ate great all day. Was extra careful knowing I had no intention on excercising.
Around 7:00 PM we went to a friends house for a few drinks etc. I didn't 'drink'...just had some tea. My girlfriend, bless her heart, put out a bowl of chips. The bowl emptied and I didn't have even one! Amazing eh?? Ya....then she filled it, and put out cheese and crackers, and pistachios, and more chips, and chocolates, and I dove right in. I ate and I ate and I ate and I ate. While I am putting the food in my mouth, I am hoping nobody is noticing how much I am eating, and I am just shovelling it in. So...what started off as a great day, ended as a really really bad one. I hate that I ate so much, but I had a great time with great friends too. So I don't regret going...I only regret losing control. :(

Friday's Report...Stupid Kit Kat

Friday Morning Weigh In: 121.8
Friday exercise: Ran 5KM and fast walked another KM on a steep incline
50 sit ups, 20 push ups, 4 pull ups, lots of ab and arm work
Calories burned guesstimate: 400
Calories in: Around 1150. Isashake, Isalean bar, grapes, shrimp stir fry, half slice of white bread with 1tbsp of peanut butter

It was beef cake day at the gym today so I get a bit intimidated and want nothing more than to leave. 'Beef Cake' is what I call it when I walk in to the gym and see nothing but extremely fit guys with huge muscle lifting huge weight, usually chatting up young fit little blondes. If you listen carefully, you can hear the flirtatious giggling in the background. On these days, I walk in, see a bunch of girls wearing the same LuLu tank top that I have...so I put on a tshirt instead so that nobody thinks to compare me to these far better looking, far younger, far fitter women. I know that's totally gay, but I can't help it. I just want to lay low. It is a smaller type gym (not a chain) so it is usually pretty good. Evenings and Friday noon hours seem to attract all the hotties. I still get my workout in...I just won't do any new things or do anything that makes me look like a wiener compared to everything else in the gym! Ohhhh what I wouldn't give to get rid of the part of my brain that seems to care way too much what other people think.

Came home and cooked a wonderful shrimp and veggie stir fry for my boyfriend and I. It was delicious and SO much food for few calories. We ate and headed to the horse race track. We played the ponies for a few hours. There was a canteen there that made the entire place smell like old dirty cooking oil. There is a lot of lingering time when horse betting. Some people sat down a few seats away from us...they were eating nacho's with cheese sauce. OMG, it took forever. They ate them so slow. It was very very frustrating. I wanted to scream at them to hurry the frig up so that I didn't have to look at them and smell them any more! Later I saw a lady with a Kit Kat bar. She was smiling as she opened it. I know exactly how she is feeling and what she is thinking. It made me feel so frustrated and angry. Why can she have a kitkat and I can't?? How is it that her brain is wired so different than mine that she can guitlessly tear in to that kitkat bar while I sit here so hungry, struggling not to do the same. Why does she appear completely comfortable despite the fact that she is at least 150 pounds overweight? And I have an extra 10 pounds that makes me unbearably depressed. I just don't get it. But in reality...my wish is not that I could just eat what I want, weigh any amount, and still be happy. My wish is to NOT WANT that Kitkat. To not feel deprived I can't have it. I want to be healthy. I want good food choices to be natural, and treats to be just that...occasional treats. I want to stop feeling like I need them. I honestly don't feel that I will ever get myself to that point. The pull towards sugar is so strong and such a difficult struggle. It is so frustrating that this is something that I will have to fight forever. I guess when I see that girl happily eating her KitKat...I am just jealous that she is not feeling the same frustration that I am. At the same time, I felt bad for her. I wonder if she is happy with herself. I wonder if she wants to lose the weight, but feels like it is impossible. I want to sit with her and tell her all the reasons not to eat the kitkat. Why she should care about her health and her weight and her heart. I want to tell her that there are so many people that want a kitkat right now too, but they are choosing not to. But maybe...maybe she really just doesn't care. All this stuff going through my head while sitting at the races. I wish I could turn that part of my brain off so bad.

Thursday's Report...

Thursday Morning Weigh in: 123.4 (down .4)
Calories on Thursday: It was an Isagenix cleanse day, so not very many.
Excercise: Ran 5Kilometers and did a crossfit class. During crossfit, I did 7 sets of 10 pushups (real ones, not girl ones!) which is big for me. 7 sets of 15 squats with no weight, 55 dumbell deadlifts(20lbs), 55 Dumbell Presses(12lbs) and 55 squats with weights (12lbs) and 50 sit-ups.
Calorie burn guestimate: 400

The weekend is coming, which gives me a ton of anxiety. We are going to the horse races tonight. There is a buffet there. DILEMA! My boyfriend is in the military. He works out A LOT (I would to if it was part of my work day and I got paid for it!!) Because of that, he can basically eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants. I know he wants to go to the buffet (it is a nice one...big salad bar, prime rib) but if I go there, I am going to overeat and eat badly. No question. I just asked him if we could have a veggie stirfry before we go instead of going to the buffet. I feel bad though...why should he suffer because I am weak and compulsive? Anywho, he has agreed and seems ok with it. He is very supportive no matter what I am doing, but that doesnt make me feel better about him having to lose out on things he wants to do.

I DECLARE WAR!

Today, I declared war on these last 10 pounds. I whine about them constantly. They irritate me all day long and make me feel crappy. They are horrible to look at. They hang over my jeans. And they cover up the muscle tone that I am working so hard to build. Well NOT ANYMORE! I am getting rid of them. I am doing it by summer...in fact, hopefully before the marathon at the end of May. When running 42 kilometers, not having to drag an extra 10 pounds around is pretty handy. So that will be the goal. 10 Pounds by May 29th. Actually, 10.8.

Today's weight: 123.8
Today's calories in: 1240 calories (isagenix shake, watermelon, 1.5 isagenix bars, salmon, tiny boiled potato, cauliflower, asparagus, Isadelight)
Today's exercises burn: approx 400 calories (5.5KM run + 20 min strength training + hockey)

I have tried so hard. So many times. I have gotten a few off here and there, only to spend the weekend playing 'Eat Eat All I Can' and gaining it back plus some. Not this time...I am going to make it. I am going to get them off. I am going to feel better about myself by summer. I am going to be willing to wear a bathing suit at the lake so I can swim with the kids. I am going to be able to look at our summer pictures and not delete every one that I am in. Yup. This is it. Here I go!

Just for fun, here are some things that weigh 10 pounds. I can't wait to 'lose a large cat'! :)

Geeeze...I've been good for 2 days...Why arn't I skinny yet?

Why does time seem to stand still for the first few days of getting back on track. Honestly, I am not even done day 2 and I am already frustrated that this isn't happening faster! Being ME is a real chore! lol
I have done well today. It was a successful cleanse day, and I got my fat butt to the gym. Ran 4.5 miles, practiced chin-ups (I say 'practice' because I can only actually do 3 or 4. But I keep working at it), 50 sit ups, 20 consecutive push-ups (this is a new for me, it was not that long ago I could only do 10!), lots of ab work and some shoulder and arm work. Then lunch hour was over and I had to go back to work. I find that really frustrating. (pesky WORK always gets in the way of working out!) By the time I get in the 'zone', my brain and body in a place where I feel I could work out for hours...that's right about the time I have to wrap it up. I know that going and cutting it short is better than not going, but geeeeeeeeze!
How great would it be to get paid to work out and be thin and healthy...oh what a different world this would be!
Only have to make it through a few more hours without breaking down and stuffing my head in the fridge...then on to day 3. :)

New Jersey woman striving to weigh 1,000 pounds, become world's fattest lady - NYPOST.com

Things that make you go HUH????

New Jersey woman striving to weigh 1,000 pounds, become world's fattest lady - NYPOST.com

HOLY ROAD BLOCKS BATMAN!

Geeeze, and it is not even 2:00 PM.
I had to go to the grocery store this morning to buy stuff for work. Seemed like every single thing that I think is delicious...was on sale. And the Easter candy was all half price too. I'm a sucker for a sale...as my 8 year old son said to me the other day..."Mom, you would buy a sheep if it was on sale." Well, I managed to get through that without buying anything stupid. Then I had to go to Costco...where not only is everything delicious, it is also giant! Two of my favorite things! I again, did not do anything I would live to regret. Leaving Costco, I reached in to my purse to find my keys...and what do I find?
The leftover M&M's from the movie I took my son to last night (Otherwise knows as, Start-Over Monday Eve final celebration, ie, excuse to eat lots of chocolate and junk). I can't seem to throw them out...but I have not eaten any either.
At lunch time, I started getting ready to head over to the gym...only to realize I was wearing and I had left my gym bag at home. ARG!!!! I have made a promise to myself that I will grab my dog when I get home and go for a run, then have a bit of a workout in the basement. I play hockey tonight so I can't go too crazy...but I am SO not skipping my work out on Day 1! So I just finished eating my lunch
and now I am thinking of all the things I could have eaten today, and didn't. Not sure if that makes me happy or frustrated. On the upside, tomorrow, today will be over.

Why does being healthy seem like way too much work??

So, I had this thought this morning as I began my, what feels like, extremely tedious routing. Maybe the time it takes each day to put the healthy super things in to my body and to do the exercise, and the healthy cooking, is likely equivalent to or MORE than the time that may (or may not) be added to my life by being healthy!? (I won't even attempt the math to compare the financial cost of being healthy compared to being lazy and unhealthy) 20 minutes of vitamins and greens and healthy stuff and my shake every morning. A minimum of half hour running plus another half hour of working out. (On weekends the half hour of running can be up to 3 hours or more!) Stopping at the store a few times a week and buying fresh veggies so that I can go home and cook a healthy meal. Wow...I can see how the drive thru can be a very tempting option! As soon as I was done feeling sorry for myself, I plugged my nose and drank my fruit/greens health drink thing. I took all my vitamins like a good girl. I made my kids take their vitamins. I drank my chocolate protein shake. I grabbed my green tea and headed out the door. I smiled as I drove to work today. I woke up with options. The hard and healthy route, or the easy and lazy route. I did the right thing today. YAY! It is another 'Start-Over Monday'. So far, so good. :)

Found the wagon..unfortunately I had to eat my way through a french fry and chocolate mountain to get to it...

I learned something about myself this past couple weeks. When I go off track, I stay as far away from this blog as humanly possible. I have no desire to come on here just to confirm that I have yet to muster up the willpower to pull my sh!t together. When I am feeling 'successful', you can't tear me off this thing. Interesting...now, what have I learned from that? I have no idea. But here I am again. Sunday night. Better knows as 'Start Over Monday Eve'. Boyfriend is home, life is back to semi-normal, marathon is creeping up...so here we go again. Shakes, salads and lots of running in my future. BOOOOO! But I have to and I know it. I don't have a nice singing voice, or a glowing personality, so being 300 pounds is simply not an option.

So, the good(ish) news...I went to Los Angeles last weekend! My boyfriend had been working down there for a few weeks. I flew down for Easter weekend to visit him. (I'm not a traveler, so this is a pretty big deal!) What a beautiiful and amazing city. I don't mind the snow, but I hate the cold. The older I get, the less tolerant I am of the crisp and chilly canadian winters. I went for a 2.5 hour run in the town we were staying in called Brea. The smell of citrus, the beautiful and aromatic flowers everywhere, the park with the ginormous ducks, the green lush grasses, the awesomely decorative trees....wtf am I doing in Ottawa? NOT that I don't love it here. I have been here my whole life. I do love it (in August anyway)...but to wake up every single day and know you are going to have a beautiful day ahead. To drive on the freeway and have a beautiful mountain view at every turn. And Virginia Beach...what an amazing and interesting collection of people. Even Hollywood was cool. The foood?! The foood was tooooo good. It felt like everyone in Los Angeles was eating out at every meal. Every restaurant was packed. Every restaurant we went to, was notably delicious. Geeeze...I loved everything about being in L.A. Everything except leaving. I used that weekend as a convenient excuse to eat poorly and excessively. I planned to pull it together as soon as I got home, but that didn't work out.

In other news, I had this IPOD Nano yesterday. It was ok. It used to belong to my son, until it went through the wash a few weeks ago. It still worked though, apart from the backlight. Son got a new Ipod Touch, so I starteed using the Nano. I got to REALLY like it! Like...didnt leave the house without it! But having a backlight would be nice...so Tim (BF) and I decide we will simply disasemble the Nano, check for any corroded connections, then reasemble the Nano...good as new! Right? Ya...Uh...NO. I no longer have a NANO. Which sucks. It had my audio books on it, which were great to make 2 or 3 hours of running go by a bit smoother. When I am done here, I need to get on the ebay and get myself a replacement. Blarg.

Ok, I will check in tomorrow for sure for sure. If I don't...ohhhh...that just is not an option!

Excuse me Sir, have you seen my wagon?

I knew it was going to be a BAD weekend when I got out of the shower on Saturday morning to find my brand new RayBan sunglasses, mangled on on the floor in my room. Yup, less than 24 hours I owned them. Seems my dog was not as fond of them as I was. Took them right off my nightstand and pretty much ate them. ARG.
On Saturday morning, after mourning the loss of my new glasses, it was time to start making the cakes for the cake raffle at my son's school. I went in to it 100% sure I was going to make the cakes and stay on track. While mixing the batter, I got out my spatula to scrape the edges of the bowl. Some batter got on the back of my hand. In a swift instinctual reflex move, I licked the batter off the back of my hand...and at that moment, it was all over. I was now the star player in a game of 'Eat Eat All You Can' for the rest of the weekend. I had fallen off the wagon, it went speeding into a wall, caught fire, and burned to a crisp. After 6 days without sugar, I made up for lost time. I easily ate an entire cup or more of icing. Dorito's. Pizza. It was non-stop calorie action.
Monday. Ahhh Monday. I would never start over if it were not for Monday's. I did an Isagenix cleanse day on Monday. I did really well. Got through the whole day 100% on program. The evidence of the weekend's sin fest was gone. Phewf. Monday night, my boyfriend called from Los Angeles and told me he was flying me down there for the weekend! OH MAN! Regret is not strong enough a word! WHY oh WHY did I do so bad on the weekend?? Im going to LA! Dangit. So I did real good today again. Plan to be good tomorrow. Then I leave on Thursday morning. I don't imagine it's gonna be salads and apples all weekend in LA...so I guess I will have to start over again next week. Build a new wagon and hop right back on. Maybe this time I will install a built in seat belt and buckle up. Boooo Hooooo.....

Day 6, frustrated, but still going....

Not sure what I expected to happen after 6 days of extremely healthy whole food eating. Something miraculous to happen I guess. Maybe I hoped my body would be so shocked that the 10 pounds would fall off overnight. BUT...nadda. So, Sunday A.M. I weighed in at 123.6. By like, Monday morning I was at 122.2. And the buck stopped there. Still 122.2. I'm pretty used to jumping in to a hardcore Isagenix 9 day program when I am feeling desparate to lose weight in a jiffy, and losing 5 or 6 pounds in 6 days. So to lose less than a pound and a half in 6 days is a bit tough for me. That being said, I am also pretty happy about quite a few things. I am feeling like this eating whole and healthy thing MIGHT just be a sustainable life change. I know it has only been 6 days, but I am really enjoying the fruits and fresh veggies, salmon, and especially the beans...LOVE kidney and black beans. I feel good about what I am putting in my body.
Today I woke up and took my vitamins and greens and ionix first thing. Had an isangenix bar for breakfast and another around 11. Went to the gym, ran 5K (3 miles) and tons of weights and situps etc. GREAT day at the gym.(especially considering I had to do 180 lunges at crossfit last night...my butt muscles are SCREAMING today!) Had an isagenix protein shake after the gym with extra whey protein....delicious. Came home and had some organic brown rice gluten-free crackers and some almonds to hold me over until supper. And finally, a piece of salmon for supper, and some pineapple for dessert.

I did feel weak for a bit this evening. I had to take my son to the store to get some gifts for two bday parties he is going to this weeekend. The shelves were lined with those Cadbury minieggs, which are my #1 favorite chocoolate. Well, they are tied with peanut M&M's for #1. SO hard to see them and not buy them. But I didn't. The Dorito's were also tough. I came VERY close to grabbing a bag and convincing myself I deserve them because I had done so well all week. SOOOO CLOSE. Somehow, I didn't. I managed to get out of there with out buying any crap. Pretty amazing.

Now, to get through the weekend. I have enough pineapple here to feed an army, and I made a huge bean corn and onion salad that is sitting ready in the fridge for when I get hungry tomorow. I really really want to make it. I have to make a cake on Sunday for my son's school...that scares me. I don't know I will be able to get through that...icing is another problem spot for me. BIG problem. But I will cross that bridge when I get there. I'll try to remember to have a nice filling lunch before I start baking. Probably have better hope of making it through if I'm not starving. We shall see!

Day 4, still smiling

Feelin' pretty good about all this today!
Did my Isagenix routine this morning (vitamins etc) and had a fruit smoothy. (strawberries, water, ice, Isagenix Orange flavored 'want more energy', blueberries -in blender...YUM!!!) Had a meal bar around 10am and some grapes. Gym at noon, great workout. Homemade cabbage, tomatoe, carrot, lentil soup for lunch. Yum. Pistachios for snack. And some pineapple and another Isagenix Meal Replacement bar for supper since we were stuck at the rink for mine and my son's hockey games. Yup. Good day. :)

Die chicken...you gonna get ate. Or just cooked and looked at. What evs.

I found myself ranting a little on someones blog yesterday. I decided I wanted to post that thought/rant somewhere I could read it again and again to remind myself how passionate I felt at that moment. So, here it is...

I have SO many issues with buffet restaurants, I don't even know where to start.
The biggies:
1. On a germophobe scale of 0 to 10 (0 being able to lick a $5 bill without wincing, 10 being unable to leave your own house due to fear of germs) I'm about a 6 or 7. I carry Purel and wet wipes everywhere and use them often. If I have to do something crazy like go on a subway, I go armed with a wet wipe in each hand and use them as a barrier between my hand and the metal bars that you hold on to (cause I sure as hell ain't sittin' down!!) So eating at a buffet, watching people breathe and cough around food..watching kids jump up trying to see what there is while they grab things and throw them back, and watching new tubs of food being dumped from a pail out of the kitchen on top of the food that has been sitting there for a few hours already...ALL kind of a sore spot for me.
2. They make me sad. The buffet restaurant is 'in general' full of people that 'in general' should not be eating at a buffet restaurant. It seems to be where people go when they are nervous that they are not going to get enough food with their order at a normal restaurant. I find myself looking around and wondering if these people are happy with where they are at. Part of me wants to sit with each table of customer's and ask 'Why?' Not to mention the clarity regarding what I would look like if I ate that way every day. The proof is in the puddin'!
3. Waste. Wastey, waste, waste, waste. I hate waste. But more specifically, the waste of meat products keeps my up at night. So, it's 11:00pm, the restaurant is closing. Those chicken breasts have been sitting out under heat lamps for what, an hour? Two? Depending on the location, possibly a lot longer. For the sake of everyone who eats at a buffet restaurant, let's assume they do the right thing at this point, and throw that chicken out. A week ago, that was a living breathing functional mammal, no different other than species from your grandma's pet bird, or your daughter's puppy. Now, it's carcus lies in the trash. Um. What?

I hope somebody, somewhere in the work enjoyed his little chicken wings, otherwise, his life and death were a complete waste too. I know I know, "get a grip Laur. This is life, they are just chickens. That's what they are for..."
I wish sooo I could see it that way. Two years ago, I could see it that way. Thought nothing of it. I woke up one August day in 2008, looked at my boyfriend and said "I'm not going to eat meat for a while. I need to think about my position on killing animals and eating them. I'll get back to you on this when I have figured it out, but until then, no meat for me..." I have yet to get back to him. I still don't fully understand my position, I just know, I feel better about myself not eating meat. And most of the time, the idea of ingesting meat somewhat repulses me at this point, so it is not exactly an effort making this restriction anymore. That being said, I guess I don't have the same reverence for fish and sea creatures as I do land animals...cause I have NO problem jamming my gob with fish n' chips or shrimp and scallops. Is it because they don't have fur? Because they don't bond with humans? I really don't know. I hate birds...they scare the shit out of me. But I still feel bad that chickens die to be eaten. So, I don't know...I just don't know.

ANYWHO, back to buffets....there is an "All You Can Eat" sushi restaurant near my home. It took me a while to figure out how the place worked since it was an "ALL YOU CAN EAT" but there was no "BUFFET" HUH?. But once I figured it out I was quite pleased. It's "All you can eat"...but if you DON'T eat it, you are going to have to pay for it sucka! LOVE IT! No big tubs of food. No trough. No heat lamps. No fat guys bulging gut rubbing up against the counter and plunging in to the rice when he reaches for his 7th egg roll. Nope. You just keep ordering it and they keep making it fresh and bringing it to you. As your stomach gets full, you start to be much more careful about what, and how much more you order. I was ordering shrimp tempura one at a time near the end. I think this is great. I can't stand seeing the people (usually people who SHOULD NOT be eating like that) lined up at the buffet filling their plates with mounds of food. They seem to think if they don't get it all now, there will not be any more in 10 minutes? It also frustrates me to think about the amount of food that ends up in the trash every single night, from every single buffet restaurant, from every single city around the world. Yikes.

I would love it if all buffets adopted this format. Only order what you want, and what you can eat. I don't think even one chicken should lose a wing so that some glutton can fill his plate with 47 wings, only to realize that after his 4th plate full of mashed potatoes and pork chops, he just can't eat those last 8 chicken wings. Seriously...think about that for a second...an animal is dead. You put it on your plate. You decide you don't want it. It goes in the trash??? There is something very very wrong and disturbing about that.

There is only one thing worse than being stuck in a tax seminar all afternoon...

And that's being stuck in a tax seminar with FREE COOKIES AND CHEESE!! Have I mentioned my two favorite foods in the whole world? Well, they are COOKIES and CHEESE! Atleast they were today. It is always the food that is available but I can't have that seems to feel like it's my favorite. Add 'free' and 'endless' to the mix and I am screwed. But seriously, they are top 10 for sure. Especially cheese. I've never met a brie I didn't like.
The good news is, Day 3 is coming to a close and I managed to stay completely on track again today. 3 days in a row. sweeeeeet.
(Staying off cheese is only until I get the 10 pounds off...after that, I am building a cheese fort an eating my way out of it.)

Help, is this product healthy??

I usually make my own chili and spag sauces from scratch, but occasionally, I want to make something super quick. I have a whole pantry full of this Loblaws Blue Menu Spagetti sauce. I THINK it is ok, but I want to be sure. My biggest concern is 'caramel color'...wtf? If you are crusing by and see this post, AND know a thing or two about mysterious ingredients, please have a look and leave me your feedback! Would someone eating whole, natural foods be willing to eat this prepared/packaged food?


http://www.presidentschoice.ca/LCLOnline/products.jsp?brandId=2&type=details&tags=100094&next=37&productId=17092

Tomatoes (contain tomato juice, calcium chloride, citric acid), tomato paste, water, textured vegetable protein [soy protein concentrate, caramel colour, ferrous sulphate (iron), niacinamide, zinc oxide, calcium pantothenate, thiamine, mononitrate (vitamin B1), pyridoxine hydrochloride (vitamin B6), riboflavin (vitamin B2), folic acid, cyanocobalamin (vitamin B12)], carrots, onions, celery, olive oil, concentrated lemon juice, dehydrated garlic and parsley, sea salt, spices.

Down with Day 2!

After strutting around my house this evening feeling all pompous that I made it through 'Day 2', I realized I really have not defined what this is 'Day 2' of.
I have no hope of success if I can't even define the goal, do I?
Ok..well, at risk of opening the door to failure a little too wide, here goes.

GOAL: To lose over 10 pounds (sounds sooo simple...blarg) Quit compulsive/binge eating. Break the sugar addiction. Be healthier.

I plan to do this by following the Isagenix play, and adhering to some smaller goals that are important to me, but so easily ignored and tossed aside when cravings, laziness and hunger set in.
-eat primarily whole and natural food (atleast 70%) including as much raw food as possible. Vegetables, legumes, nuts, seeds, beans, fruit.
-little to no dairy or animal fat (just some skim milk in my morning tea)
-lots of isagenix protein shakes, especially after workouts
-NO sugar, especially HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP
-No bad fats
-No prepackaged or factory foods
-No white flour or any of that nutrient void crap

I may have bitten off more than I can chew here (no pun intended!). But these are all things that are truly important to me. I want to be the person that has complete control over my health abd what I put in my mouth.

So, that being said, day 2 was a delicious breeze.
Breakfast: Isagenix chocolate shake with extra protein (Isapro) and hemp seed (IsaCrunch)
Snack: Almonds and Pistachio's
Lunch: homemade bean/lentil/vegetable soup
Snack: 1 orange, 1/4 Isagenix protein bar
Dinner: homemade vegetarian Chili, homemade fruit blender drink (frozen strawberries, blueberries, 1/4 of an orange, IsaFruits, Orange flavored 'want more energy' powder, ice, water - the only thing missing was vodka. It was SO good, I ended up having to make a second batch for my kids. I love it when they think they are getting a dessert...little did they know, this was SUPER good for them!! :)

I went to the gym like a good girl. 25 minutes on the bike cause my legs are still too sore from yesterday to run at this point. Lots of weight machines and situps and push ups. The only frustration I felt today was in the kitchen at work, stuck in the middle of a converstaion about homemade cookies. A HUGE weakness for me. It made we want to go home and make cookies pretty bad. The cravings/urge only lasted a few moments and I didnt end up eating anything I regretted...so all in all, a pretty good day.

About 200 more days like that and I should have this problem licked. ;)

Day 1....here we go again.

So, as expected and planned, yesterday was pretty bad. I ate more of those cookies than I can count amongst a constant grazing that lasted most of the day. Then dinner at the Keg where I ate crab and baked potato smothered in sour cream, and a huge dessert of ice cream, whip cream and brownie. And half a bottle of white wine. After, I looked around and saw that other people seemed to be getting served bread and butter....I wanted some! After all that, I found myself irritated that other people got bread and I didn't.
So, today started off with a 25 Kilometer run and continued with clean healthy eating. Isagenix shakes and vitamins, fruit...all the good things. I have just gone 24 hours without any sugar. So far, so good. I need to break the overeating and the sugar addiction...and I need this to be the time I say that and actually follow through and succeed. I just wish I knew how to make that happen.
For accountability sake...I'm breaking through the starting gate at 123.6.
113 is the goal. Off we go!

Today is already bad, going to get way worse. But tomorrow, I change my life!! blarg....

Tomorrow is once again, the big day. Change these eating habits once and for all. I don't even believe myself when I say that anymore. But I know I have to.

But first, there is today. I woke up this morning thinking about dinner at the Keg tonight. I wish I could sleep the day away so I wouldn't have to wait! Tim left pretty early, so I headed to the kitchen to find something delicious. I pulled several things out but settled on a quasadilla. Yum. (yes, for breakfast!) I rooted around for something more...have to finish that bag of Doritos's before tomorrow. And those two boxes of After Eight's from Christmas. (I can't bear to to throw stuff like that out.)So much to eat before tomorow, so little time. It's starting to stress me out.
Tim bought us a new freezer today. Big stand up freezer to replace the large chest freezer. Tired of finding freezer burnt treasures at the bottom of the chest every few months, only to reminisce about how much it cost as we throw it away. For this reason, I had to clean the chest freezer out, only to find a tub of lonely frozen cookie dough that the lid had broke on. Well, that's no good. Gonna end up being bad. I better make those cookies. And so here I am, sitting in the kitchen playing online poker and blogging while the 7th tray of cookies bakes in the oven.
I've eaten enough cookies at this point where I kinda don't feel good, and don't really want anymore. That doesn't mean I wont have anymore, just that I dont currently want any. They have to be gone before tomorrow, so I have given a plate of them to my neighbor. There are still several dozen. I want to put them in my kids lunches, but if they are in the house there is a good change they will be my trigger to fail tomorrow. Hm, what to do?

I consider yesterday a success...

So, after inhaling roughly 5000 calories on Thursday, I have been in a state of 'damage control' ever since. I decided yesterday morning that I was not going to have a normal eating day. I decide that a lot though, and often don't make it. I ended up doing pretty well. I drank my tea in the morning. Went for a 6 kilometer run at lunch time. Had an Isagenix meal replacement bar around 2:00 PM, went to the gym and walked uphill on a steep incline for half hour, and then did a 27minute crossfit class. I even went to the mall after the gym and did not cave in front of the Laura Secord or New York Fries, or even Kernels popcorn! I even had coupons for the popcorn! I DID secretly eat about 6 Dorito's at 10:00 PM when I went down to the kitchen to let the dog out. I wish I hadn't, but I did. I still consider the day a success. I'm not really sure what today will bring. I would like to say I am going to exercise that level of control again, but boy oh boy, weekends are SO hard. My boyfriend is leaving on Sunday morning for about 3 weeks for work. We are going out for dinner on Saturday night. (I have already checked out the menu and know that I am either going to have the 2 lobster tail dinner, or the King Crab legs!!) We are going with friends, so for sure I will drink a bottle of white wine, and have dessert. Again, I have planned to fail as a way to help me cope with the feeling if guilt and disappointment. On Sunday though...oh ya, Sunday is the day. I need 10 pounds off before the marathon, and I so badly want to get back on track and strictly follow the Isagenix health and weight loss program that I follow. I know I feel better when I am on it. I just need to break all the addictions..AGAIN! Train my body and mind to crave the healthy stuff...AGAIN! I need to stop falling off the wagon. Would be a lot easier if I could be hypnotized to believe I don't enjoy fatty and sugary foods. I DID try that once by the way...BUT, it didn't work. I didn't go under.
Yesterday I was reading a woman's blog who had lap band (?) surgery. She said that once she had the band, it seemed that food just stopped controlling her. She stopped craving and over eating. Probably safe to assume they only do that surgery for people in the 'obese' range? I sure would love to stop craving though. Overeating comes with craving...so for that to stop as well would be a blessing. BUT, I'm pretty sure I can't walk in to a clinic at 122 pounds and tell them I think I need lap band surgery. Pretty sure my next blog would be from my private room in the crazy bin if I did that. Maybe they have a 'Do It Yourself' lap band surgery kit at the Wal-mart!!?? Worth a look! lol

Great...another addiction in the works. Just what I need....

I tend to cringe a wee bit when people use my name and the word 'obsessive' in the same sentence. I think the word has a bit of a bad wrap I guess. Being obsessive CAN afterall, be a really good thing. Like, helping me run marathons. I would never have been able to complete 4 marathons if I were not a tiny bit obsessive about running. I woke up one day, decided I was going to try running and see how it felt. I ran 4 kilometers my first day. A few months later, I ran my first marathon. Thanks to being a bit obsessive! And being obsessive about going to the gym is the ONLY thing that gets me there.
If I decide I am going to do something, I tend to go hard. People have refered to as having 'an addictive personality' because I become addicted to things pretty easy. This I admit to be true. As it relates to food, it is all TOO true.
The past couple years I have been a slave to the 'Facebook'. I am proud to say, i quit the 'Facebook' last week. Just went off it completely. Deactivated my account. Boy does it feel good!!! But leaves me with some free time in front of my computer, and a bunch of thoughts that I can no longer share.
So, yesterday, I decide to start a blog so I can get some of these thoughts off my chest. To get some 'free' therapy. Well, now....I feel the need to 'blog' my every thought! I can't stop. I am still learning and poking around, reading other people's blogs...just trying to figure this world out. But as far as I can tell, nobody is even reading mine! Yet, here I am...typing away and feeling pretty good about doing it. Maybe writing things down is what I needed to be doing all along? Or, maybe...this is my obsession of the week, and next week I will forget about the little blogging thrill I am having this week. We shall see...

Article: In Obesity Epidemic, What’s One Cookie?

You could feed a small village..or me.

I planned to eat bad last night. (That is how I prevent the extreme bouts of guilt...by 'planning'. Somehow I think that planning it rather then sucoming to it, makes me feel less awful??) St. Patricks day, so we went to a pub. I had fish and chips and 4 Smirnoff Ice. Honestly, it was SOOO good! I never liked fish my entire life. Hated it in fact. Now, in my 34th year, I have taken a liking to it, and I'm making up for lost time. Any who, we left the pub around 10:00pm since we both had to work this morning. On the way home, we stopped for gas. As per the norm, I say something to my boyfriend like "Ok, you pump the gas, I am going in to find something with a ridiculous amount of sugar in it...and something salty and crunchy." This is usually where my boyfriend says "No you aren't. Get back in the car." BUT, this time he says "Oh me too...wait for me!" OH NO!! I can usually totally count on him having will power and back bone when I don't....but now he's enabling!! At that moment, I felt equally as pleased and excited, as I was nervous. We went in to the gas station and headed right for the icecream. We each got a tub of Hagendaz...Caramel explosion for him, Cookie Dough for me. I also grabbed a bag of Zesty Cheese Dorito's on the way to the cash. I have been craving them lately for some reason. Maybe if I just eat them, I will stop craving them?? (Nope, not true) We went home, I had a few chips just to remind myself what they taste like, then folded the bag up and put it away. We crawled in to bed, put on a movie, and started shovelling. It was SOOO good. Half way through the tub, I started feeling pretty sick. Like, my body and stomach were begging me to stop. BUT, I couldn't. I kept eating until the tub was empty. And, as per usual..This is where the "OH MY GAWD THIS IS SO GOOD AND I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW" feeling abruptly stops, and the "OH MY GAWD YOU STUPID FAT WEAK PIG" feeling starts. I started doing the math of how many calories I had eaten that day. Let me share: (approximations)
Morning: Two small buns toasted with butter and peanut butter (A LOT of pb) = 400
A couple chocolates from a box of chocolates I got at Christmas. I decided
I needed to bring them to work and let the vultures have them, but I
couldn't do it unless I ate a few of the ones I thought I liked first = 200
Lunch: Veg spagetti with parmesan cheese = 300
Entire bag of Smores Goldfish (looked this one up online...yikes)
6 servings in a bag * 130 calories per serving = 780
Fish N' Chips = 1600
4 Smirnoff Ice = 700
A few Dorito's = 150
Tub of Hagendaz = 700
For a whopping total of 4830 calories.

Wow. Kinda wish I hadn't added that up now. Now, I DID go for a 35 minute run yesterday, bruning approx 400 calories. lol What a joke...I would have to run for more than 6 hours to burn that many calories! The marathon would not burn those off.
Why do I do this to myself? Almost 5000 calories...to put that in perspective for you, there was a very overweight woman on Dr. Oz the other day. Dr. Oz was going to help her change her life around and lose the weight. I was on the treadmill reading the captions, so I had a bit of trouble following the show, but this woman was VERY overweight. They calculated what she was eating in a day, and came up with an average of 4200 calories a day. Hm...I win! ?

So, today I am choosing not to eat, well, not like that anyway. I'm drinking my tea that has a bit of 1% milk in it. I will maybe have an Isagenix meal replacement bar this afternoon since I will be going for a run at lunch, and going to crosssfit at the gym tonight. But if I can get through the day without it, I will. Right now it is only 9am, so I have that dilusion that this will not be a problem. Maybe I will check back in later when I feel like I could eat my hat.

I have never craved a salad!

Today, I brought enough food to work for lunch for about 4 people. I ate it all. I just finished a whole bag of 'Smore's Goldfish' for dessert. YUMMY, especially the marshallows. Tonight, I am going out for St. Patrick's day. I have been thinking about what I am going to order for 3 days now. I know it is for sure going to be deep fried. Some friends and my boyfriend will be there, so I can't go tooo overboard. I don't want to see the look of disappointment from the BF. (He has never ACTUALLY given me that look...but that doesn't stop me from thinking I see it. He doesn't care what I eat, he only cares when what I eat makes me depressed.) I've been grazing most of the day...I need to stop now though. I am going to take my dog for a run after work. I can't run with a gut full of junk food. Plus, I want to be hungry when I go out tonight. GAWDDDD!!!! I hope nobody orders a salad. If somebody orders a salad, I feel like I have to do the same. And I have NEVER craved a salad!